Have you heard the quote, ‘no one is coming to save you.’? The full quote comes from Nathaniel Branden’s 1994 book The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, which says,
No one is coming to save you; no one is coming to make life right for you; no one is coming to solve your problems. If you don’t do something, nothing is going to get better. The dream of a rescuer who will deliver us may offer a kind of comfort, but it leaves us passive and powerless. We may feel if only I suffer long enough, if only I yearn desperately enough, somehow a miracle will happen, but this is the kind of self-deception one pays for with one’s life as it drains away into the abyss of unredeemable possibilities and irretrievable days, months, decades.
I think about this quote often as it relates to my own life. For a very long time I believed that if I did all the right things and did all that was expected of me, I would eventually be rewarded with what I truly wanted. People would recognize all the work and effort I had put in to live up to their expectations and that eventually they would permit me to do what I truly wanted to do.
I realize now that I gave people too much power. Because instead of developing my own internal validation and defining success on my own terms, I sought after external validation [from work, family, and friends]. Instead of daring to try, I crushed myself under the pressure of I don’t know if I can do this because I don’t want to be seen trying and failing. Failing is not on brand. I don’t want to deviate from this defined path and plunge into the abyss.
The truth is, there has been so much fear interwoven into how I pursued life. And after years of playing by all the rules set out for me, I no longer want to play the game. The game of hustle and grind. The game of doing what looks good rather than what feels good. The game of elevating the opinions of others over my own. The game of fear over faith. No más.
So, I am trying new things, exploring my interests and creating the opportunities I was waiting for someone to hand to me. I ran the New York half earlier this year, and look forward to running another race next year. I’ve read so many books this year and it’s been such a joy. I’ve tried numerous new recipes and created ones of my own. I went to the opera for the first time and realized how much I love performance arts. I recently starting cycling around Brooklyn, and that has been so liberating.
In that vein, I am launching a podcast in a few weeks! The podcast, Let’s Hit Pause, offers a space for people to pause, reflect, and catch a breath. My co-host Fike and I share our insights on navigating life’s challenges with grace and resilience (we hope!). It has been a labor of love to create these episodes and start building a platform that really has been a safe space for the two of us this year, and I cannot wait to share it with you.
This has been a dream of mine since at least 2018, when I featured on my friend Ore Ogunbiyi’s now defunct podcast but I never really took the dream seriously. Until sometime last year, I tweeted I wanted to start a podcast and now a little over a year later I’ll be able to share my musings in a new format.
I don’t know what prompted me to tweet that except for the fact that I use my Twitter as a form of prayer and manifestation now. It has taken me six years to cultivate the self-confidence and self-belief I needed to start this project, and I could wonder where I would have been if I started then but I’m really thankful for the version of myself that you all will hopefully experience soon.
It is extremely freeing to create something from scratch. To go after a dream without caring what others will think and without hinging my self-worth on its success. If no one listens to this podcast, I will be just as proud of myself because I dared to create it. I have loved the process of re-listening and editing our episodes so I pray it will be just as life-giving to our listeners.
So yes, no one is coming to save you. No one is coming to save me, but me.
Living authentically is a key that unlocks our capacity for deeper authenticity. I reflect on the number of things I have done this year that initially felt like a long shot when I was writing them down, but are now accomplishments that reveal that I have so much more in me than I know. This excites me. Imagine where I will be six years from now. Imagine where you will be.
Be your own kind of super hero. Commit to action. Become a student of yourself. And above all else, have faith, whatever that means to you.
I’ll leave you with an affirmation to say for the remainder of the week.
P.S. The magic of affirmations is not the simple recitation of the words, but the belief that the words are true and living them out. Just give it a try.
The dreams in my heart are there for a reason. Everything is unfolding for me in perfect timing. I release worry and choose to trust my path.
Three Good Things
Watching: I caved. I started watching LIB Season 7 this weekend, and in true Love Is Blind fashion everyone is mad. I honestly think that there should be some sort of psych evaluation prior and during the show because these people are not well. I don’t know if the show attracts a certain kind of person or is a reflection of how we are - our insecurities, our fears, our quirks. For what it’s worth, it does make great television. The wedding episode comes out today, and I don’t think I support any of the couples getting married. Gone are the days of Lauren and Cam, sigh.
Reading: Gift of Rejection by Nona Jones. I am reading this book with a group of women I met at the Woman Evolve Conference in Dallas last month. I didn’t initially think I had any rejection wounds I was dealing with, but alas healing is a constant journey. I am learning to identify how my rejection wounds manifest in my life so I can respond to triggers more gracefully.
Eating: I’ve been craving jollof for a while and remembered I ordered Aunty Yinka’s Jollof Sauce and decided to give it a try. The instructions were simple. Pour the sauce into a medium pot with an equal measure of water and washed rice. I followed the instructions to a t and didn’t add any seasoning or spices of my own to test it out, and my my my. How do you say delicious in Yoruba? It was THAT.
A Question To Consider
What do you need to do that requires bravery?
Don’t settle for safe and comfortable if something is nudging you towards more. You don’t become courageous by waiting. Your emotions will catch up, be brave!