Consideration Is The Highest Expression of Love
In 2020, I was living in a spacious sun-filled apartment in Williamsburg with a close friend. Her boyfriend, who lived out of state, would often visit her and without fail, he’d bring her flowers. It was never flashy or over the top. Just a small gesture to show he was thinking of her. It may not have been insignificant in the grand scheme of their relationship, but I always noticed. Because it reminded me that love, at its purest, is consideration.
Hollywood has been teaching us that love is grand gestures: the dash across the airport, the rain-soaked confession in the middle of a busy street, the dramatic proposal in front of a large crowd. Social media further stokes these flames by showing us perfectly curated moments. This is not to say that some of these moments on social media are not real or choreographed out of love for someone, but at times these moments are manufactured for an audience, for views.
To me, real love is often quieter moments in our everyday lives.
Love is voice notes from Kamsy, affirming my desire to make a difficult, but necessary change. Love is Faridah sending me Tiktoks about natural hair care, because I was tired of fighting with mine. Love is Kelvin sending me $10 just to buy matcha on a tough day. Love is Fike reminding me that softness takes many forms. Love is Tami sitting beside me as I braid my hair. Love is Samantha saying, "Call me everyday if you need to" Love is Gozor showing up for ten precious minutes - because that was all she had.
In a recent podcast Michelle Obama said that most of life is just ordinary. The grand gestures are a rare occurrence that cannot be relied upon as a means of showing love. It’s the small expressions that remind us that we matter.
When someone chooses to inconvenience themselves, ever so slightly, just to make your day easier, just to make you smile, just to make you feel seen… that is love. That is consideration.
Sometimes it’s easy to focus on the love we don’t receive. We all carry love wounds — whether from an absent parent or unrequited love. Sometimes, we fixate on the ways that love doesn’t show up how we hoped. But when we pause and reflect on the many forms that love can take, we might realize just how much of it is with us, at all times.
When I think about the love in my life, it may not be loud but it has such depth. It is not always in the ways I expect, but it is always present. The quiet, intentional, and consistent offerings I experience might just be the truest expression love that we have in our ever-changing ever-spinning ever-unprecedented world.
And maybe, in our giving and receiving of this love, we get a glimpse of magic. We get to witness the divine.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Watching: Forever. It’s been less than a week since this show was released on Netflix and it is a must watch. For the hopeless romantics, for the lover girls and boys, for yearners — this show is for you. I’ll share more of my thoughts of the various aspects that I enjoyed next week to give everyone some time to watch it.
Reading: I am currently reading Colliding With Fate by A. E. Valdez, the second book in the Rise & Fall Series. I’m about 20% through the book on my Kindle and so far so good. What I am really excited to share is Kennedy Ryan’s book Can’t Get Enough JUST came out and I already have it in my hands — I’m trying to decide whether to cancel all my weekend plans to read it or to savor it slowly.
Thinking: I just got back from the dreamiest most beautiful wedding in Los Angeles over the past weekend. And me being me, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to not only experience love but sustain it. I’m thinking about how ill-prepared I often feel for relationships and especially marriage. Growing up in Nigeria, I felt like I was always told to focus on my studies and then I graduated from university and it was where is your husband? I’ve been thinking about how Nigerian culture is so enamored with ostentatious displays of love — the traffic in Lagos on Valentine’s Day is always awful, our weddings are some of the most extravagant I’ve seen, and yet there is also so much discourse about challenged relationships, infidelity, and the ugly head of patriarchy rearing its head even amongst young couples. I haven’t quite concluded my thoughts on this yet, but it’s something I’ll likely be speaking about on the podcast which will be out soon…
A Question To Consider
How do you show consideration to the people you love in your life?
Love this❤️
The best love - quiet, consistent, intentional, generous and kind